Snape's Bad Day
by Labyrinth Dumbledore
Summary: Um...just read this!


Snape's Bad Day SNAPE'S BAD DAY   
by Labyrinth Dumbledore   
  


A/N: I wrote this while listening to "The Thong Song". That's all I have to say. 

"Harry! If you want me to tutor you, you have to stop this!" Hermione pushed Harry away for the   
umpteenth time. They had only been TRYING to have a mini Herbology lesson, but Harry just kept kissing   
her. If he wanted to get a good grade, he had to focus.   
  
"Let's start easy. True or false: Is a maple leaf shocking pink with aqua polkadots?" Hermione questioned, while   
scanning through Harry's Herbology notebook.   
  
"It could be." Harry said, staring at Hermione dreamily. Hermione groaned in frustration.   
  
"Your notebook isn't full of notes, it's full of pictures of Professor Snape in a thong!" Hermione waved a   
hand in front of Harry's face. "Hello? Harry? HARRY? Wake up!"   
  
"Eh? Oh, yeah…doesn't Snape look good in thongs?" He began drawing a picture with his wand.   
  
"A little but of green…ohh lala-" He sniggered. "Now, put your hair in a little ponytail…and let's put a   
pink butterfly…ha! Dum dum dum…yeah…then…" Harry mumbled as he colored the picture. Hermione   
slapped his hand.   
  
"First of all, Snape's nose is too small in that drawing, and secondly, we have to be studying!" Hermione got up and headed   
towards the door. Harry looked up.   
  
"Where are you going?" He asked.   
  
"Listen, Harry. A tutoring lesson-to you-is a chance to fool around. But it's not. So I'm going   
somewhere…ummm….somewhere I can ….study! Yeah, study!" Hermione opened the door. Harry   
scrambled out of his seat and walked to the door.   
  
"Hermione, don't go!" Harry pleaded. Hermione went out the door. He sighed and followed.   
  


"NO! I want the book on Potions to slay BEARS! Not Potions to slay MARES! Who would want to slay a   
weak, helpless, MARE? If you enchant them, they just become SLIMY, weak, helpless, MARES!" Snape   
shouted.   
  
"Hold on a minute then. I'll check if we have it." Madame Pince told him.   
  
"Why would anyone want to write a book on slaying MARES? There's no point in slaying MARES!"   
Snape stomped over to a chair to sit down. There, on the table next to it, he saw somebody's Herbology notebook.   
  
"Hmm…well, I'm a professor…I can LOOK…" On every page, there was a picture of himself…   
  
"IN A THONG!" Snape roared. It was Harry Potter's notebook. He grabbed the notebook and marched to   
Dumbledore's office.   
  
  
"HAHA!" Dumbledore laughed hysterically when he saw what Snape had to show him. But then stopped, so as not to be rude.   
  
"It's not funny! It's AGAINST THE LAW!" Snape yelled. Dumbledore just ignored him.   
  
"You look good in thongs." He said thoughtfully, examinning a page in which Snape had a ponytail and   
was wearing a green thong.   
  
"WHAT?! Oh, I do? Well, I don't like to brag-hey, wait a minute. AREN'T YOU GOING TO SUSPEND   
HIM?" There was a knock on the door. 

"Come in," Dumbledore called.   
  
"Sir, here's your book on mares." A voice said. Snape stormed out the door with a puzzled librarian   
yelling, "IT'S NOT MARES, IT'S BEARS! CAN YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK   
SCULL?"   
  


"Hermione, did you hear that?" Harry asked. He and Hermione were sitting next to each other in the   
common room.   
  
"Hear what?"   
  
"Someone yelling about mares and bears?"   
  
"Uh…NOOOO…" Hermione shrugged. Harry put an arm around her.   
  
"Hermione, I talked to Seamus. Maybe we could make a little study group, since we suck at Herbology…you could be the teacher and-"   
  
"Me? Hermione Granger? A teacher? A little study group? I'm sorry, Harry. You couldn't manage. By the   
end of the period, you'd be all over me." Hermione said. Harry took his arm off of her and stood up.   
  
"I would not!"   
  
"You would! You won't concentrate! You won't learn anything! Face it!" Hermione argued.   
  
"ANYWAY, we decided the next meeting would be tommorow. The group would include: Ron, Seamus,   
me, and Lavender."   
  
"Ron and Lavender would make out the whole period."   
  
"Would not!"   
  
"Would too!"   
  
"Would not!" 

"Would too!" 

"Would NOT!!!!"   
  
"They would pass notes to each other."   
  
"They couldn't! You'll be right there, sitting in front of them!"   
  
"What if I decided to go to the bathroom?"   
  
"You won't go to the bathroom, Hermione!"   
  
"How do you know?" Hermione stood up also and put her hands on her hips.   
  
"ANYWAY, we'll see you in the library tomorrow at 3 after classes end."   
  
"What if I get sick?"   
  
"HERMIONE!"   
  
"I'm glad you know my name!"   
  
"I'm going to bed."   
  
"Good idea." The couple kissed and went to their dormitories.   
  


"Okay. Now, let's begin with some easy questions." Harry, Lavender, Ron, and Seamus were sitting on one   
side of a table in the library, Hermione on the other side. She had a big board next to her. It had big pieces   
of cardboard with diagrams and pictures on it.   
  
"Now. What color are boa leaves?" Hermione looked at each of them. "RON!" Ron's eyes widened. It was   
obvious he didn't know the answer. Hermione shook her head.   
  
"That's a check for you."   
  
"What check, Hermione?" Ron asked.   
  
"You get a check if I ask you a question and you don't know the answer. Whoever has the least checks at   
the end of the period gets a prize. Whoever has the most gets a punishment." Hermione explained. Ron   
gasped. He thought extremely hard.   
  
"Green?" He said quietly.   
  
"Good job, Ron! You lost your check!" Hermione erased a small check she had writing on a piece of paper   
in front of her. She took a piece of cardboard and turned it around. It had a diagram of a boa leaf. She   
explained as much as possible about a boa leaf. The other 6th years seemed to understand.   
  
"How many veins does a boa leaf have…Lavender?" Lavender looked blank.   
  
"10?9?8?7?6?5?4?3?2?1?11?12-" Lavender guessed.   
  
"Lavender? What's your final answer?" Hermione asked. Harry snickered, but Seamus and Ron looked   
confused with Harry's laughter.   
  
"What's so funny?" Ron asked.   
  
"Oh, nothing, nothing," So everyone turned their attention back to Lavender.   
  
"Lavender? Do you know?" Hermione asked gently. Lavender shook her head.   
  
"I explained it 3 times! You know it! Sorry, but you've earned a check. " Lavender gasped as Hermione   
told her the bad news. She had earned a check! Dear Merlin, NO!   
  
"The answer is: none." Hermione said.   
  
"And you were guessing all those numbers…" Seamus said sadly. Lavender looked down at her hands,   
which were fumbling with a pencil.   
  
In the end, Harry had 4 checks, Ron, 3, Lavender, 2, and Seamus, 1. Seamus got a free homework pass   
straight from the Herbology teacher. Harry got a book about herbs. It was 10 pages long, and he had to read   
it by the end of the week. He was unhappy.   
  
"Well, everyone learned something new, right?" Hermione said at the end of the lesson. Seamus began to   
whistle. Lavender played with her pencil. Harry looked under the table as if he had lost something. Ron   
looked out the window and concentrated on a bird outside.   
  
"Uh, Hermione? Guys? I see something strange." Seamus said, and laughed. Everyone followed Seamus's   
gaze. There was Snape, wearing only a green thong, his hair in a ponytail, and he looked very proud.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
